HI FOLKS WHUTSAHP!
Okay good news : totally over over what's happened 2 days ago. I mean, really, I'm taking things easy. I know in the beginning my reactions was like, the fag? But oh well I'm getting better as days passed, and of cus I can't deny that it's really... those, uneasy feeling when you've to see that person the day after the incident occured. It made me tummy churned and really turned sour and I felt just, real uncomfortable. What's worst is, it's during recess, and from being hungry I went to having no appetite. Oh well, take it easy and, chill! I know, you must be thinking, if I really treat friendships seriously, how can I forget it so easily, rights? Think bout it, if I continue to cling onto it and desperately moan over such stuffs... what good does it do to me, and when the opp party doesnt bother at all, thinking he/she will be happier than ever? When it takes 2 hands to clap? Yep.
And though i'm really getting used to feeling such things, I really dont want similar incidents to happen to me again. It's really annoying and suckish I swear. NOT FUN AT ALL DUDES & DUDETTES. Puh-lease, prove to me that being friends w you (whoever that my friends are now) is the correct choice, will you? :)
YES YES YES! I got myself 2 new pair of socks!!! How happy can I be. And oh not forgetting the fact that I think I grew fatter....... Oh no. Weight remains but SO WHAT, i think i'm getting fatter, non?
Ugh all I've been doing was........... homework homework slack slack homework slack and .... yep that's life. I did no exercising at all. PATHETIC. FAT FAT FATTER FATTTT! Gross.
K that's me so far. I haven't been doing much, but ohoh how can I forget this, I'm finishing 3rd book of the year! Can't believe this! Wooooots I'm looking forward to getting new book for April, YEY!
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Back to feelings... I reflected so much for the past few days. Somehow, I really hate to annoy people - finding people to text, being real lame to them etc... It just really isnt me, at the second thot. By nature I'm really quiet and trust me, those who knew me since prisch days should know how I'm like, and how much I've changed till now. Yes, while you're reading you might be laughing but I'm still gonna say.
In the past, I was those real quiet kind, and I'm reallyyyyyyy good to people. I put myself in their shoes, think before I say anything or do anything. I'd understand them before judging etc.. I mean, I'm not saying I'm judging people now, or that I'm not using my brain to think before I say or act, or that I didnt put myself in their shoes. But it's just that, as time goes by, I thought I should change to fit the world. Look, world's changing so fast you just can't stay in who you are and have no choice but to be slightly different so that you're able to fit into. Some might think, isnt it good to be able to stand out in the crowd instead of trying to blend in? Errr, not in such rare cases, mehh. And we're talking bout changing for the good, anyways.
So yes, I thought, entering secondary school life means I ought to be more active in mixing w people, and thus I became more open in thoughts - I talked more to people, open up my mind to certain people.. Alright here's the problem. Ugh.
Since young, I keep things to myself. When i'm hungry, I wouldnt dare to tell anyone, including my fam when they're home w me. It made me felt like I'm demanding for something. When I'm broke or have not enuf money, I wouldnt ask my mom for it. It made me felt like I've to depend on them (which, yes, i need to cus I can't work) but no, I really want to be independent. When I'm having some problems, I wouldnt tell anyone. It made me felt like I'm ranting non-stop and I'm giving them troubles, cus they're gonna be worried for me (those who truly cared) and it'll just give them more problems than usual, like, adding on to their burden. It sucks to be someone bad tho you're the 'victim' in this case.
It really annoys me when I realized that, I want people to confide into me, but I myself wouldnt want to confide into people. Selfish thought, not? I really love to help people; being their listener and lending them shoulders to lie on for tears or for comfort. But I wouldnt want someone to be like this for me, I want to be independent. There are times which I craved for that, but I thought it'll be better staying silent and just keep things to myself. Somehow things seemed to worsen when I open my mouth or heart or mind to let problems/troubles flow out of my mind..
So people, don't blame me or be angry at me for not telling you what's wrong, really. I didn't want to open up 'cus I seemed to give more troubles than receiving solutions. To those that cared for me, asking if I'm alright or I care to have you guys for your ears to let me rant at ... thankyou is all I can say. I mean, I appreciate that kind thought of yours but, just let me stay quiet and keep things to myself. After all, I felt better that way, and I believe I'll be able to control them well.
Okay my mind was bout to explode after all these thoughts went in my mind and whirling around. FYI IM NOT EMO-ING, DOSH. Blogging's one good way I keep things off my heart and whether or not you're gonna comment it, it's up to you. But personally i think that no one should ever have the rights to comment on one's feelings. You mean, how people feel should be commented on too?! Uhhh get some life please.
peace. x
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